Fearless

So, I ran into a friend the other day who I hadn't seen in awhile.  She knows my son who is 4 and is on the Autism spectrum and I told her he was in preschool all day, everyday now.  She was excited for me, she knows he thrives with structure and this meant all four children were in school all day, everyday too.  I said, but my oldest is home!  We are homeschooling her this year!  She goes on to say that her children wanted to home school but she felt they needed the social aspect of public school.  After leaving her home, it made me think of a few things.  MY BABY is gone all day, everyday and my OLDEST is home all day, everyday.  Wow, how did that happen??  It happened because I am open to doing what each of my children need, when they need it.  I had NO DESIRE to home school, I am not equipped, but GOD put it on my heart and my daughters for some reason.

I am living and loving fearlessly.  I am wanting to have a huge IMPACT on my children's lives.  If a child is not social, they may not ever be, and when my daughter asked me to home school her for the second year in a row, I looked at it as an opportunity.  I know that not everyone's situation will allow you to home school, but it may not be homeschooling, it might be something else you never thought you would or could do.  The point is to try and listen to what God is placing on your heart and don't be afraid or think you can't do it.

In our situation, I know that there are THINGS I will want to be intentional about so that my daughter can still be around other children her age.  But when I think about the negative impact that being social can have I think I am ok with her not trying to FIT IN, not worrying about who her friends are.  I have her home, I have an opportunity to grow her spiritual faith walk, reassure her she is perfectly and wonderfully made and teach her who her real BFF is each morning as we open up our bibles to learn scripture and talk about Who God is!!!

I send my son to school everyday, all day because he needs structure, he has the opportunity to work with amazing people who specialize in helping to develop and help fit pieces of his puzzle together.  Was it easy?  NO, he is my baby, at this age all my other children went three days a week for a few hours.  If there ever comes a time where I feel God telling me to do something different, I WILL.

Sometimes we have a plan, we have our lives figured out of what we think it should look like and sometimes we don't see what blessings come with going with Gods plan for us.  The daughter that was always against me that I would butt heads with is now for me.  Our relationship has changed.  Some day she will realize what I gave up for her and only her, someday she will know deep in her heart that I lived and loved her fearlessly.  That is the impact I want to have for each of my kids.   I think when we give in we see that there is so much more we were made for. 

Do you have a child that you BUTT HEADS with?

Yesterday I mentioned one desire was to BOND with my daughter through the process of home schooling.  She is the one so far that I seem to butt heads with the most.  So you ask WHY, give her the opportunity to home school?  This is the first year that all my kiddos would be in school, WHY NOW?  I have worked so hard these past 11+ years raising up my kiddos, why would I want to take on such a task?

I guess the selfish side of me would agree, it is MY TIME to have the opportunity to hear myself think, to process a thought without getting interrupted, to work on projects that have gone undone, to take a day and not do anything maybe have some downtime or to focus on my business and help other people change their lives.  What about the fact that I could have easily said, I am not equipped to teach, I don't have a teaching credential?  Easy, Done, there was my easy way out.

I believe this is what God is calling me to do, that I have a ministry right here in my home.  He knows the desire I have for my daughter, he knows that I want a loving relationship and not a strained relationship.  He has put me in a situation to be able to do this, with an open and supportive husband and I feel he will equip me with everything I need to make it a successful journey and a blessing to our family. 

Would you believe me if I said that I have already seen signs of our relationship changing??  YES I have!!!!!  It is like she is on my side now.  We are a team, she wants to help, she is stepping up to the plate, AMEN.

Thank you Jesus, for bringing us to this.

1st Week of HOME SCHOOL complete ~ Well, we have completed our first week!!  It was a great week, getting to know the curriculum, starting our day at 8:30 with scripture memorization and the bible (which wasn’t soon enough for my daughter she wanted to start at 8 right when we got home from dropping the other kiddos off at school) and ending our day at 10:30 when it was time to pick up my preschooler.  Next week will be different because my preschooler will have a few all days or longer days and I am SURE WE WILL TOO!!  I was amazed at how much more my “student” wanted to do then we actually needed to this week.  She even asked for homework.  So, a few times I have wondered, WHY does she want to home school so bad??  What is it really???  I still don't know and maybe it will come out as we go but maybe not.  Was it the fear of Middle school?  My husband and I told her that in just a few days she would know her way around and it would feel just like the elementary school.  I know that it is part of growing up to learn to overcome our fears but I looked at this as an opportunity.  One thing she keeps saying is that she didn’t want to be with the older kids.  See our middle school is in the same building at the high school.  Normally it is the older kids that she clings too so that was a big fear of mine.  I guess God knew what he was doing when he put this on her heart and my heart was open to it.  Is it that she really, really wants to spend more time with me and WHY??  I am home all the time.  BUT she loves to be home with me when all the other kids are gone. 

So back to the curriculum, I am learning so much.  It makes me wonder about my middle school years. I think I must have had many distractions as a child, which is one of the reason I made the decision to take this opportunity when she asked me again after a 1 1/2 years.  When I was 11, just as my daughter is, my parents were going through a divorce.  It was a long process and they kept a lot from me for a long time, maybe I had distractions which caused me to feel like I didn’t retained a thing.  I feel like I am relearning everything (which I love).  Maybe my daughter is a lot like me and worried more about what was going on in the classroom (or at home) with her friends, then what was going on with her education. Don’t get me wrong she is a great student, average grades but easily distracted.  We found out this week that it is so easy to be distracted; even at home we are dealing with a ton of distractions starting our first week of school.  But the beauty of it is, we have TIME, we don’t have to move on we can let the distractions of contractors come and go and not feel rushed to move to the next subject.   My prayer and hope is that our relationship will form a huge bond and that her education will be a positive experience.  I love having the opportunity to chat with her about everyday LIFE stuff without the little ones around.  I think that might be one thing she really loves too.

Looking forward to sharing more….#bringingithome