Guilty of the blessings....

Is this happening and am I really here?  Five days ago myself and two of my children {the two that are homeschooling} arrived in FL to start the longest vacation I have ever had.  This first week would be our first time in our condo that we purchased almost one year ago, it has been rented every month since we purchased it.  So, I am considering this week a WORK WEEK, although WORK it is hardly because this is all FUN for me!!!  I couldn't wait to paint the walls which needed some TLC, or go shopping for some decor that was more our style.  This is a DREAM COME TRUE to have an investment property, for me to manage our investment property, and to actually fix it up a little, in SUNNY, WARM, FL!!! To spend time here IN DECEMBER makes me smile!!!  Over the last few years, last year expecially, I started to dread the months that my plants were buried in the snow, pulling out the winter gear, after flying through the summer realizing that we only golfed once or twice and wishing we would have eaten out on the patio more, went swimming more, or to the lake.

Having been born and raised in CA and now calling my home MN for the last 15 years, getting married and having 4 kiddos in a 6 years span I have realized that I love the sun and warm weather.  During the crazy times of raising small children, I think winter was a little break for me but now I want to do the things I LOVE like garden, golf, take walks, sit in the sun {with sun block of course}, and swim.

So, the dream that I was dreaming is now a reality.....am I really HERE and why do I feel guilty of the blessings??  Every morning I wake up and come out to our balcony {IN DECEMBER} and the sun is shining, hovering around 60 degrees in the morning and 80 mid day, and I can hardly believe it.  How did I get here?  Do I deserve this???

Back at home, my husband and two public school kiddos are getting ready to join us but wouldn't you know that right before I left after waiting three years to do our kitchen remodel on our home, we decided to get the ball rolling!!!!  And of course the builder tells us...better to start now then waiting because the cabinet maker has some jobs lined up that will push you out a few months if you wait.  RIGHT, we should start right now,  I was already out of town as my husband was working and being Mr. MOM with the other two kiddos and now {HE} has to pack up our kitchen, dining room and living area.  I don't like that he is having to do this all on his own but I LOVE the thought of having work started on the kitchen while we are gone!!

So, I am in FL for a long vacation, back at home my desire for that beautiful new kitchen is getting started, I am blessed with a husband that works hard, and is smart....should I be feeling guilty of the blessings?

I don't want to feel guilty I want to feel blessed, I want to feel that we have lost, we have made bad decisions, we have learned, we have had struggles, we have grown, we have survived, we give, we share, we care, we set goals, we work together, we have dreams for our family and we have desires to fill our hearts, my husband WORKS HARD and NEVER GIVES UP, honors GOD, puts him first and doesn't put his success before his family.  So, I choose to be THANKFUL, to continue to bless others, to put GOD first above all things and to continue to work hard and try and do what is right.

So, one thing that I want to do with all that I have learned throughout my journey is to ENCOURAGE you to never give up...NEVER!!!  You never know which way the road will turn, never stop dreaming and working towards even the smallest of goals.  And look back for just a minute to see how far you have come, all that you have accomplished, be thankful, be prayerful and then look forward to what your future will hold!!!

#bringingithome

Do you care about your words you speak?

Are you one of those people that really care about your words or do you speak what you want and don't really care?  Well, I really care, I always try to be careful what I say,  I pray that the words I speak came out right, that nobody is offended, that I understand others feelings and although I share my thoughts, there are always other ways to look at things.  There is always a perspective that I haven't thought of.  Everyones lives are so different, their marital status, their dreams, their health, their children, their extended families, their goals...and there is no way that I can know everything going on in a persons life to protect them from WORDS.  I pray that the people I share life with know this and would care enough to talk to me, to communicate how I might have made them feel, share their differences with me but sometimes that doesn't happen.  Communication is a difficult thing...I just talked to a friend yesterday about how we certainly wouldn't want to be a preteen or teen  growing up now in a word of social media where communication is so easy via text, instagram or snap chat because when they see these friends in PERSON...oh no, they have no clue how to communicate face to face?

So, I ask myself, why do I share so much about how I feel, about things I love, about experiences I have had and the life that I am living??  Who really cares?  Why don't I just listen???  I don't know...I am thinking that I want to let my friends know... YES, I have experienced that TOO, or this is what worked for us, or I can't believe this happens, I want to be real, I want to see if liked minds will lead us to the plan that God has for us, WHY would He bring us together RIGHT?  So, I share all that I have and all that I know, hoping to connect or maybe even help just one person, hoping to make a deeper connection with friends!!!!  I'm living a life, growing everyday, making mistakes, wishing I wouldn't have, wishing I could have, my heart wants to help but sometimes it hurts without even knowing or intending to.   The main thing I have to focus on from all of this is God knows my heart, and it is HIM and only Him that I have to answer too in the end.  As for now, I will continue to pray for discernment, keep my eyes fixed on him to help me continue to learn his ways,  to continue to try not to intentionally hurt anyone and to comfort and help those in need.   

If you have a experience you would like to share and how you have grow with the hurt, spoken or unspoken words I would love for you to share.  #bringingithome

As I sat at school volunteering yesterday, during inside recess...a young girl in 4th grade comes over and asks if she could help me!!  What?  A 4th grader would rather help me {a STRANGER} with my volunteer work for the 3rd grade class, then enjoy her free recess time?  Her teacher told me that the girls in class weren't being very nice to her.  WHAT??  I don't get this???  How can we help these young girls and boys to BE NICE, just BE NICE!!!!  Then, I hear of my oldest daughter getting completely ignored {often} by a friend she used to call her BFF.  I know that term BFF gets out of hand, I prefer GFF {Girl Friends Forever} So, I'm a mom and I start to think, I have been telling her for a year to be sure to wear deodorant and be sure you are clean and have showered before your girlfriends come over..brush your teeth and make sure you cleanse and take care of your skin.  I even go as far as to say you won't have any friends if you stink and have bad breath {in a kind and loving way}.  Maybe she forgot to put her deodorant on and now this friend thinks she is gross?  Maybe she had food caught in her teeth and this friend couldn't bear to be around her anymore?  Maybe it was the auto immune attack on her body that effected her skin leaving her with a rash on her face and neck, or the reaction from her braces that caused her gums to get inflamed? Maybe it is because she is homeschooling now and friends can't go to different schools, or maybe she is just TOO shy?  I don't know...

I do know one thing, maybe it could be as simple as all parents teaching are children to just BE NICE anyway.  You don't have to be BFF's, that is a choice and friendships change, but acting like you don't even know them anymore is mean.  Maybe we as parents could help our children to learn to communicate, but if you don't want to talk about something just being nice would make a world of difference.

Then, I hear about the "popular girls" and my daughter and I have this conversation about what a popular girl is?  She said, how are they popular when they are only nice to the people in their group of friends?  Right??  She is right, what makes that popular?  So, I tell her I think popular is being nice and accepting everyone for who they are, for never excluding or thinking you are better than someone else.  Maybe it is a BOY that makes you popular, if so, then I would be much more excited for her to not be popular at age 12.  I would much rather have my 12 year old daughter learning about who she is in Christ then who she needs to be to have this boyfriend.  I think being popular is comforting the ones who are being left out, for spending time with the girls that just want someone to talk to.  For knowing that your boyfriend will search you out by first searching Christ.

When my daughter decided she wanted to homeschool...I didn't know why?  I fought it for a few years.  Now, I think about it and I guess knowing that coming into a small community, with girls that had grown up together forever MIGHT be hard, and realizing and hearing some of the other struggles pre teens are having..I AM SO THANKFUL that I said YES!!  She is stronger, and is understanding it isn't her, it is them.  She knows how she wants to be treated, and knows how God sees her and that is all that matters.  She told me she doesn't think she has found her forever friend...sad, but when she does she will know.  But for now, I will keep reminding her to JUST BE NICE!!!!  #bringingithome

God knew what kind of child I would need...

I went to bed last night with so many thoughts running through my head because today is my youngest child’s 6^th birthday {who happens to have autism}.  To have a child with some sort of diagnosis can lead you to feel many things, worry, regret, grief, and fear.  I saw a post this morning from Karen Ehman that said, GOD KNEW WHAT KIND OF MOTHER OUR CHILDREN WOULD NEED LONG BEFORE THEY WERE EVEN BORN.   

I think of this and I am so blessed that God placed Mitchie in my life, I believe GOD KNEW WHAT KIND OF CHILD I WOULD NEED BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN. 

Through my sons diagnosis and the journey over the past few years God has given me patience that I didn’t know I had, faith that is unexplainable, courage to fight for my son, trust to never stop believing that HE is a God who hears our prayers, knowledge and discernment over what to do and what not to do, he has taught me what true LOVE looks like, the selfless love that we aren’t naturally born with.  He has also given me the desire to not just go through this and help my son grow and be the best he can be but I think there is more that He will do through this journey I am on.  We all have been tested in our lives and I believe all tests can end up being our testimony to share.   Over the past 6 years, I have found that there is something in me that LOVES to share.  I share because if something I share helps just one person then that is all that matters.  God is working in me to reveal to me what part of this journey will be our testimony to share so that someone else may benefit from it, so that someone else will know they are not alone, so that someone else would have someone to turn to. 

I am blessed to have my son in my life because he has taught me so much!!!   He has taught me the importance of realizing that WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT…..PERIOD.  And he has taught me to LOOK beyond the outside appearance of people…because if you saw my son you wouldn’t think he was autistic.  He has taught me that even though I KNOW he loves me, sometimes he can’t show love back, when he says “NO momma, leave me alone”.   He has taught me to TREASURE the little things, the small strides,  and to be sensitive to EVERYTHING, the way he processes things is so different and for all of this I am blessed and thank God for knowing just what kind of child I would need.    

As for my 10 year old that was emotional and telling me she was afraid of her future life, we talked.  I told her that when I ask her to be sure she brushed her teeth, brushed her hair, picked up her clothes, read 20 minutes, played outside, cleaned of the table, helped me with putting clothes away, cleaned her room...etc you get where I am going with this.  That THESE VERY THINGS, will prepare her for her future life.  The scriptures that we study and memorize with school, the stories we read about how we were MADE TO BE MORE and MADE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, will prepare her for her future life.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says- Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and HE will make your paths straight.

There, the answer is there, IN ALL WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and he will make your path straight.  Rest assured, their will be times in her life that there will be struggles, and set backs, so day in and day out we are teaching and guiding her but if she can only take away this ONE simple bible verse, she will be guided through the valleys of her life journey hand and hand with our ONE TRUE and FAITHFUL GOD.

Does it hurt for a mom to feel like her daughter is scared?  Yes, it most certainly does. Sometime I wish I could get inside their brain...but I can't.  Therefore, I am so thankful that I sat down and talked to her and she shared those feelings with me.  Taking the opportunity to remind her of Jesus' promise to her....daily will help her to not be afraid and trust.  #bringingithome

What LIES behind our Facebook Posts is REAL LIFE.

So today..I read a great blog, the title was I’m not a liar but Facebook sure is.  {click on link to read it} It talks about how our Facebook posts and pictures can sometimes show the BEST of everything, MOST TIMES.  As for me, I don’t want to display negativity on FB for the most part because I don’t want to bring anyone down.  I would also hope that EVERYONE knows that there isn’t ONE life out there that doesn’t have some trials…whether large or small something in their minds isn’t perfect.  I do believe that comparison can steal your JOY, but what if it helps you to strive to do better whether it is in your marriage, with your children, your health, or your faith?  The biggest and most important thing is that with our assumptions we don’t take the time to REALLY get to know what is on the other side of the posts and pictures.  

I wanted to look back at a few pictures and share a few things on the other side of them to give you a little example.

Somedays I can be on FB it feels like NON STOP, it might look like I am sitting down with nothing better to do, but really what I am doing is running around, making my bed, getting the clothes folded and put away in my bedroom so that when the carpet company comes he can actually see and be able to measure the floor, I take a peek at my phone as I walk into the kitchen to put away everything that has got out of control on my kitchen counter and do the dishes that are pilling up in the sink, stop take a peek-make a comment.  I am being productive!!!!

What about the picture of my daughters dental cleaning!!!  She looked beautiful…but the real truth is that she is struggling with keeping her gums nice and healthy.  And she is probably bugging me to take her somewhere and buy her something.

Then, the pictures I post on Date Night..when I finally took a shower, put make up on and did my hair all in the same day!!!!?????  Most days I am wearing sweats, with my hair in a pony!

You notice that most of my pics have been from the waist up….because I am not feeling comfortable in my own shoes right now.  My shirts are still fitting pretty good but my pants are feeling a bit snug.  I have been struggling with motivation to lose some weight…YOU DON’T SEE THAT IN MY post and pictures.

When I see posts of girls my age with success stories of losing weight, it makes me feel hopeful.  When I see families at The Dells, I wonder how our family would do there?  I don’t like to be in public in a swimsuit {well especially with this extra weight} and will I have to be running around after my youngest son who is on the spectrum??

I don’t think it would be FUN to see and hear me or others always complaining about all the LIFE stuff on the other side of the photos that is going on.  I think REAL friends, hand and hand, face to face, is where we share those things.  Are we still forming and taking time for REAL FRIENDSHIPS or is FACEBOOK enough?  What are your thoughts??  Are you able to LOOK at the positive posts and GROW or strive to be better, or do you let it bring you down???

Autism Awareness

So, I am not sure if I can put what today means to me into words. Autism looks so different in each individual. The spectrum is large....but I know just like any other challenging characteristic of a child, family member or loved one...it requires a huge amount of patience, a huge amount of FAITH and strength to get through each day. Awareness to me is talking about it, sharing your struggles, surrounding yourself with those that might not understand but care, that accept and love the character and beauty that comes from each child. I have learned that there is NO BOX that we can fit our children in. I look at Mitchell and his FREE spirit of not caring who is watching when he wants to sing. Or if he is excited, everyone will know about it. Awareness to me is to not FORGET that the spectrum is LARGE and my autism journey looks very mild at times, but the unknown is scary. Autism diagnosis is growing and what is scary is all these children that can not be independent will grow up NEEDING CARE...I had a friend tell me about her own story a few weeks ago when I asked her what her WHY was and along with many others she wanted to be sure her daughter would be well taken care of when she was no longer around. The awareness that TUGS at me is, these children WILL be in the hands of family members and caretakers. Awareness to me is to BE OPEN MINDED to hearing, reading, and thinking about what so many brave people have researched, lived and discovered COULD possibly be a cause of AUTISM. I without a doubt don't blame anything for Mitchell's autism, this was God's plan for him and for our family, BUT I also know that God created me to be that person that would SHARE what I know so that maybe I could protect those OPEN MINDED people from allowing this to happen to their families. ‪#‎hardtoputintowords‬ ‪#‎openminds‬ ‪#‎untilallthepiecesfit‬ ‪#‎goingthedistanceforMitchell‬